the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize