i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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