dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize