You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
