I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
