im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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