I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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