I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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