You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
