i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
