If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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