textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
