Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
