Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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