Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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