we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
