When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
