I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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