Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You made out with two different species that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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