Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How naked do you want me to be?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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