peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
