You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
