I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
another moral hangover. fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
