i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
