mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
