Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
