I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
