i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Randomize
