I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
