What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
