I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
