Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
