Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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