I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
