is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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