I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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