I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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