the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
