Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
