If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
3 2 1 whiskey
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
