chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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