Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
