I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
