You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
