12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
