You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
