cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
