I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
