listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
