Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
