I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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