dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
