Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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