So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
