I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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