so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
