New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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