I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
