While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
