I will die if light touches me.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my shit smells like andre
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
