I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
