Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
