I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
