Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize