No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
