hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
