he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This house was built for laser tag.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
