Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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