How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
