So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
