What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
